


If It Had Been Otherwise

by AnonymousSong, lily_winterwood



Series: The Quest for Erebor [4]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, M/M, Nonbinary Character, One Shot, Sad Ending, but not liveblog canon lmao, it's OG Hobbit canon, it's both canon and not canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 19:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18900769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousSong/pseuds/AnonymousSong, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_winterwood/pseuds/lily_winterwood
Summary: The Hobbit Liveblogs alternate ending (Major character death)





	If It Had Been Otherwise

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the ORIGINAL ending for the Hobbit Liveblogs - Lily and I fully intended to follow the book/movies in having Thorin, Fili, and Kili die after the Battle of Fives Armies but the lovely Hobbit fandom on Tumblr came out in full force, asked and supported us to keep them alive. Lily and I were EXTREMELY busy at the time (her with international schooling and myself just finishing up chemotherapy and having to get back on my feet) so the support was used to help us both put aside time to continue to plan, research, and write the Liveblogs
> 
> The support window ended on, I believe, midnight of November 30th, 2015, with the results being posted on December 1st with in character posts of if the Durins lived or died. We hit the minimum support requirement at, if I remember right, like **11 pm** on the 30th - ALMOST LITERALLY THE LAST MINUTE. So Lily and I had two sets of posts written for December 1st - If Thorin Dies and If Thorin Lives. Thankfully they all live and so we never had to post the The Durins Die Liveblog AU posts... until now...
> 
> After this, Bilbo would have posted a handful of times a week to document his journey back to the Shire, stopping at Beorn's (and finding that the acorn had died) and Rivendell (and passing the news of Thorin's death to Maethedir), before reaching his home to find all the chaos there
> 
> (Also I know Thorin's posts are usually right-aligned but the two posts are center aligned for this for ease of reading since they're long)

### December 1st, 2015

#### Bilbo

**8PM**  
_Tell me where is the road I can call my own,_  
_That I left, that I lost, so long ago._  
_All these years I have wondered, oh when will I know,_  
_There’s a way, there’s a road that will lead me home._  
_After wind, After rain, when the dark is done,_  
_As I wake from a dream, in the gold of day,_  
_Through the air there’s a calling from far away,_  
_There’s a voice I can hear that will lead me home._  
_Rise up, follow me, come away is the call_  
_With the love in your heart as the only song_  
_There is no such beauty as where you belong_  
_Rise up, follow me, I will lead you home._  
— Stephen Paulus, “The Road Home”  
#the road home #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #poetry #amrâlimê

#### Thorin

**12 pm**  
If this has posted, then I have gone to the Halls of Waiting to sit beside my fathers, until the world is renewed.  
While I do not deserve it, I ask for forgiveness for how I have acted of late. I say that I am not my grandfather but it would seem that I am similar enough to him that my heart and mind were overrun with the dragon sickness. If not for the love and belief that my company and kin had for me, I would most likely still be lost.  
I feel as if I have woken from a sleep, though I am well aware of everything that I did. Looking back, I can see where the whispers of the sickness began to twist my thoughts and actions. It pains me that I allowed myself to listen to such whispers and let it change me from who I am. There are many apologies to be made and I must say them now, for if this posts, it means that I have lost all chance to say them later.  
So, to the company: I cannot begin to say how proud and happy I am to have had each of you by my side during this quest. I could not have chosen finer companions to see this quest completed and am so grateful for the loyalty that you all hold. I know that it is because of that loyalty that you joined me in what seemed to be an impossible task. It is not enough to simply say that I am sorry for how I acted and treated all of you but please know that it pains me deeply, looking back, to see how I doubted and harmed you. I only ask for your forgiveness and for you to know that, if not for the sickness upon my mind, I would never have thought nor done such horrid things. You are each near to my heart and I hope that each of you finds happiness and long lives.  
To my nanaddan: Kíli — You have grown so much during this quest and I am proud of how far you have come. The same sorrow that I feel in doubting the company, I feel when I think of how I doubted you. Not just in Erebor but in your love for Tauriel. It was wrong of me to speak against your love and I feel such shame in trying to prevent it. I hope and wish that the two of you find happiness in one another.  
Fíli — Seeing as how this will only post if I have passed on, then that means that you, as my first heir, now sit as King of Erebor. I can think of no one finer for the role. Your heart is pure and true in a way that mine was not and I know that the sickness will find no place in you. Please do not take it as an insult when I say that you remind me of myself in that you deeply wish and strive for our people’s happiness and safety. I know that the same love for our people is within you and I know that they will be protected under your rule.  
Both of you, please know that I love you both deeply. I have seen you both grow up to become Dwarves that have made me, and your mother, so very proud of you. I know that both of you looked up to me and I did nothing but cruelly tear your visions down. I cannot begin to say how sorry I am for that. Please, take care of each other and find happiness in the rest of your days.  
To those of you reading this: All of you who have followed me throughout this quest, I say thank you. You have been by my side, not in presence, but in spirit. You have given me advice and have tried to shake me from the dark places that my mind has strayed. You have sent words of comfort when it was needed and I cannot be more grateful for those words. I am sorry that you had to witness my recent spiral into madness and appreciate all of your efforts to pull me out of it. I say to each of you — Fight for what you believe in but do not allow your focus to become so narrow that you ignore the fire around you. Remember the power in your words and do not be afraid to ask for help from those that love you. Do not be a mountain unto yourself.  
Lastly, to Bilbo. My One. Amrâlimê. I cannot apologize to you enough for every peril that I have lead you through. I look back at my words and deeds at the Front Gate and my heart aches with regret. You did what only a true friend would do and you did it with love and honor in your heart. You stood by me in sickness and in health. Please know that your words helped during my madness, they truly did. I heard your voice and it reminded me of who I am — Thorin Oakenshield, the Dwarf that you vouched for in Lake-town, that you stood against a Warg for, that you chose to follow and love. I would hold no blame against you if you no longer hold love in your heart for me, as my actions against you were terrible. But know that I will love you for the rest of my days here and every day I spend in the Halls of Waiting. You are my One and while I wish that we had had more time to spend it together in happiness, please know that I am grateful to have had those few months with you. You brought me cheer and light where I thought I did not need it. You saw me and believed in me and cared for me in a way that I did not think anyone could besides my kin. Even now, your lullaby plays in my head and calms me. There is no way that I can thank you enough for everything that you have risked and done for me, for my kin and people, for Erebor. I love you, Bilbo, please know. So I ask that you return to your home, as I know how it tears one apart to be away from their home. Go back to your comforts and your life. Plant your trees and live to watch them grow. If this is where we must part, then I leave you with this: Thank you. I am sorry. Good-bye, best of loves and best of Hobbits.  
It has always been my hope to see Erebor restored to life. Since the day it fell, I wanted nothing more than to see it rise once more and stand strong as it had. Perhaps I grew too focused on this dream, but it is because of the need to see my people happy and whole in their homeland. Though I may not survive this battle, I pray that it ends in victory and that light returns to the halls of Erebor. Light and song and life, flowing from the mountain as I remember it.  
I must go now, as Dáin and my people need me. The company stands at my side, as they have from the beginning. I can think of none finer to stand with, here at the end.  
I thank each of you for your kindness and wish you peace in your days.  
At your service,  
Thorin Oakenshield  
Dwarven blacksmith who has found his home  
#the quest #the company #my sister children #the readers #queued post #i thank each of you #amrâlimê

 

**12:15PM** Seven months ago, I met him.  
And now we have laid him and his sister-children in the heart of the Mountain, with the Arkenstone upon his breast, and there is nothing more I can do.  
It’s funny, how short a time seven months is. How quickly the golden dream that was your life can fade before your eyes. The leaves are dying on the trees back in the Shire, I know, no longer their golden-green hues of spring laden with sun-kissed flowers. It only took enough time for the leaves to change and fall for Thorin to be taken from me.  
He was too much of a good thing, I suppose.  
#adventureblogging #amrâlimê #thing 1 #thing 2

**12:45PM**  
_The yellow poplar leaves have strown_  
_Thy quiet mound, thou slumberest_  
_Where winter's winds will be unknown;_  
_So deep thy rest,_  
_So deep thy rest._

_Sleep on, my love, thy dreams are sweet,_  
_If thou hast dreams: the flowers I brought_  
_I lay aside for passing feet,_  
_Thou needest nought,_  
_Thou needest, needest nought._

_The grapes are gather'd from the hills,_  
_The wood is piled, the song bird gone,_  
_The breath of early evening chills;_  
_My love, my love, sleep on;_  
_My love, my love, sleep on_  
#poetry #amrâlimê #(autumn eve by arthur maquarie)

**6:49PM** I suppose over the next couple of days I should recount what has happened since the battle, since Thorin was taken to the medic’s tent. I can say, of course, that he fought his wounds for a long while before succumbing to them not long after I spoke with him.  
I stayed in Erebor long enough to witness the funeral, of course, and Dáin’s coronation as King Under the Mountain, the just repayment of the Lake-men, the return of the treasure of Dale to Bard, as well as the return of the White Gems of Lasgalen to the Elvenking. Captain Tauriel was there, too, and her expression was stricken, haggard, as if she’d aged overnight with the news of Kíli’s death.  
I am travelling now with the Wood-elves, Gandalf, and Beorn. We left early this morning. It is bitter cold, but Elves do not feel the chill like Hobbits might. Luckily there are spare cloaks, and the Dwarvish clothes I have been outfitted in prior to my departure are very warm.  
#adventureblogging #amrâlimê #thing 2 #meddling wizard

**8:25PM** My last conversation with Thorin continues to haunt me.  
**~~**  
After he called me to him, Thorin said that he took back the words he said at the Gate, that he knew now that he was not himself and that he should not have thrown away so many lives over pieces of gold and the Arkenstone, as powerful as the jewel may be over Durin’s Folk. He apologised to me until I could not stomach it anymore, and I told him there was nothing to forgive, that all that mattered to me was him living.  
He told me farewell then. He told me to go back to my books and my armchair, to plant my trees and watch them grow.  
“If more people valued home above gold, this world would be a merrier place,” he said, and despite my protestations, despite my declarations, despite my insistence that he should live because I love him — and love should fix everything, shouldn’t it? — despite all of that, he took his last breath. And I could feel his hand getting cold in mine, the grip slackening, and I could not bear it anymore.  
I thought I had no tears left in me when he cast me out, but I have shed what I still could salvage when he left me for good.  
#(read more) #adventureblogging #amrâlimê

**8:39PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**this is probably beyond ridiculous of me but i'm legitimately sick from crying. i hope they survive.**  
I am sorry that they are no longer with us in person, but perhaps they will remain with us in spirit.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê #thing 1 #thing 2

**9:21PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Your story is an inspiration to me in so many ways, Bilbo. Thank you for telling it. I'm sending all the love and hope I can muster to you and the Company. Fíli, Kíli and Thorin have to be okay. They just have to.**  
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry; I thought love would be enough, too.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê #thing 1 #thing 2

**9:52PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I'll keep Thorin, Fili, and Kili in my thoughts and wish them a speedy recovery. I sincerely hope they will all survive. Stay strong, Bilbo. You've been wonderfully brave; not just during the battle but over the course of the entire Quest. Luck willing, everything will turn out well.**  
Thank you. I hope I can be brave a little longer.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê #thing 1 #thing 2

**10PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**WHATS HAPPENING WITH YOU TWO IDIOTS. HAVE YOU KISSED AND MADE UP YET.**  
I am sorry that things have not turned out the way you would have liked them to. I am so sorry.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

**10:15PM**  
_My lover dreams beneath the dying leaves_  
_The world has frozen still beneath the snow_  
_The bud is choked, its bloom so brightly fleet_  
_My heart has loved, but it is loath to show_  
#poetry #amrâlimê

 

**10:30 pm**  
_Do not stand at my grave and weep,_  
_I am not there, I do not sleep._  
_I am in a thousand winds that blow,_  
_I am the softly falling snow._  
_I am the gentle showers of rain,_  
_I am the fields of ripening grain._  
_I am in the morning hush,_  
_I am in the graceful rush_  
_Of beautiful birds in circling flight,_  
_I am the starshine of the night._  
_I am in the flowers that bloom,_  
_I am in a quiet room._  
_I am in the birds that sing,_  
_I am in each lovely thing._  
_Do not stand at my grave and cry,_  
_I am not there. I do not die._  
#poetry #queued post #amrâlimê #(do not stand at my grave and weep) #(by Mary Elizabeth Frye)


End file.
